Mr. Right Meets Reality

June 5, 2018

 

Eternal love, perfect partner or soul connection that hits you like a thunderstorm? If we stopped seeing our relationships as romantic comedies or perpetual dramas we would actually be able co-create quite a wonderful real-life relationship.

 

Saying good-bye to Prince Charming and Dream Woman doesn’t mean we can’t be  romantic. It just means we'd free ourselves from the illusions that make a fulfilling relationship in real life impossible. Yoga and meditation can help us get a more realistic look at relationships.

We have relationships in order to grow and to awaken from the illusion of separateness – we do not have relationships to make us happy 24/7. When we apply this understanding to all of our relationships, we realize that the relationships are clearly a form of yoga. After all, yoga means connection or union. 

 

Yoga and meditation teach on one hand Mindfulness and on the other, the Oneness of all being. Through regular practice, we become aware of our own patterns of behavior. When this happens, we can change the patterns that no longer serve us. For example, we always choose partners who will validate our beliefs. If one of our beliefs is that men are generally unreliable, sooner or later our partner will turn out to be unreliable. As long as we continuously judge, evaluate or “test” our partner, focus on his mistakes, make him responsible for our well-being, or need him to complete us, we will be disappointed in our relationships.

 

It is important to focus on what we want to see. Perception is generated by projection, which in turn falls back on us: we ourselves feel everything that we transfer to others. In Yogasutra 4.15 Patanjali says that we create our own reality. The choice is ours: guilt and fear or love and divinity.  

 

Furthermore, misled by films, soup operas, advertising, media and love songs, we are obsessively looking for the Mr. or Mrs. Right, for a special” partner who will complete us. This thought is one of the greatest illusions of our society and our ego. You already are complete! And there is no "special relationship" that can make us happy. Only allowing the pure love to overflow us can do that. No one is special because no one is separated from anyone else. Yet everyone is unique! Pure love exists when the heart is open, when the feeling of separation disappears. This can also happen while watching a child play, while walking through the forest or holding someone’s hand at their deathbed. There is no limit to love, it is not localized and not tied to just your lover. It is all-encompassing.

 

Too often, however, it is confused with romance or a "special" relationship that is exclusive and not all-encompassing. In a "special" relationship, we seek to hide our weaknesses, faults and wounds.  The task of a relationship, however, is to bring exactly these areas to consciousness. And the more we are attracted to a person, the more these blockages and unhealed wounds are revealed. By accepting the other, we create a framework for healing in a relationship. If we hide in a relationship or just want to fulfill our needs for affirmation and affection, the universe will not support us in that.

 

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